Question for Betty.

In August of last year, in my home state I met a very nice man, who I fell in love with on craigs list.  From the beginning, since we did meet on craigs list, we would laugh together at the creeepiness of some of the postings and the horribleness therein.  I came to Alaska, torn from him and things were going okay.  To this day we have not spent one day without talking to each other.  But, in March I thought I would check out craigs list back home as a bi guy myself, to look to see if I knew any one else on there.  Much to my dismay I found a posting my boyfriend had made looking for other guys.  I was crushed.  That night I proceeded to do lots of Googling and found several email accounts that he had and hacked into them only to find my fears confirmed. . . . (abreviated for space concerns).

I've learned that he is a chronic liar, and thus lies about even things that there is no need to.  He says he is going to be completely open about everything from now on, but I have trouble believing that and thus trusting him.  I will not be in a relationship where there is no trust.  Should I stick it out and try to rebuild this or cut my losses and leave?  I remember that my grandfather told me, "you can wash a rag, dry a rag, iron a rag, and its still a rag".  As much as I don't like believing that, my life experiences tell me its true.  Can people really change or am I wasting my time?


Betty's Answer.

What a heart-felt question.  You are having a rough time dealing with this long distance relationship.  The information you give me about this relationship is not very positive.  Your boyfriend lies to you. He may be having hookups with other craigs list participants.  This appears to be a very unhealthy, distrustful relationship.  Don't you deserve more?  Your Grandfather's advice seems to apply, he is a "rag".  Do you want to continue to assault your self-esteem with this abusive relationship, or in your own words, "cut your loses".  You definitely deserve more.  I wish you much better than this.  Please seek out friends in Alaska who enjoy common interests and who support you as the wonderful individual that you are.