Winterfest crowns bearded best

A line of bearded gents snaked off from the registration table. The rows of chairs in the Student Union filled with a coterie of paganophiles (AKA a crowd of beard-lovers). For the fifth year in a row, UAA hosted a Beard and 'Stache Competition to crown the best beards on campus.

The Winterfest event is the latest addition to Anchorage's proud tradition of competitive bearding. This year, the Miners & Trappers Ball-an annual fundraiser for the local Lions Club-will hold the city's 65th facial hair face-off on March 7 at the Egan Center. The municipality has even played host to the World Beard and Moustache Championships (of course it's real) in 2009, five full years before Portland, Ore. PORTLAND!

UAA's event included seven categories, judged by a five-member panel of beard-based all-stars. Competitive beard shows are an imprecise science, and it was anyone's night to walk away with the coveted Best in Show sash.

Eager contestants filled the chairs surrounding the main stage, which jutted out towards the judge's table. Students and community members anxiously applied final twists to their 'stache. One fellow casually combed his face-sweater with a pinecone. It was time to begin.

Hairy hosts

Neal Haglund and local DJ Bob Nelson-both members of the South Central Alaska Beard and Moustache Club (yes, it's also real)-hosted the event on behalf of the upcoming Miners & Trappers Ball. Each category winner during the evening earned both bragging rights and tickets to this year's varsity beard show at the Miners & Trappers Ball. Neal and Bob kept the event lively, asking those burning questions like, "What's the worst thing you've had your beard stuck in?" (mostly zippers) and its counterpart, "What's the weirdest thing you've had stuck in your beard?" (one guy once netted a live fly in his moustache).

An all-star cast of judges helmed the center table, waving to the crowd as Neal and Bob announced their shaggy pedigrees. The line-up included the 2009 world champion, a cosmetologist specializing in beards, as well as several fourth place finishers at the 2009 World Championship in Anchorage (it should be noted, everyone outside the top 3 tied for fourth place that year).

The categories

Chops was the first crew to strut their stubble. The category only netted two entrants-the lowest of the night-and both contestants took the opportunity to explain their style decision to a room of curious bearded comrades. Why would one select a beard variety that still requires you to shave? For the lack of crumbs caught in your facial hair, you see. A ripple of knowing nods shook through the Student Union.

The biggest upset of the night came in the moustache round. The fleet of finalists included none other than Moustache Ken, multi-time category champ at the Alaska State Fair and winner of Anchorage's 2012 contest, televised nationwide on Animal Planet's Wild West Alaska. One doesn't simply assign himself the name Moustache Ken-one must earn it. Additionally, he showed up in a pirate suit. And did we mention he goes by Moustache Ken? In a major shock, he ended up taking second to the well-waxed curlicue of Galen Pazar.

Unphased, Moustache Ken returned for the partial beard category... and came in second again, this time to first-timer Bill Wyatt and his impressive square-cut goatee. "This hair I can control, this hair I cannot," Bill said, rubbing his bald dome.

Bill dedicated his victory to his son out in the audience. After undergoing shoulder surgery in August, he took a temporary shave-break to rest his arm. His son just told him to keep going. "It's his fault I have this beard in the first place," Bill noted.

More drama came in round 7 during the Grizzly Beard category. Eric Willis and Adam Mata-colleagues in the beard balm business-stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the competition. Third place was announced and left the stage. Then second place. The two friends and their epic beards remained on the edge of the catwalk, under the harsh glare of the judge's table. One would be champion, one would leave empty-handed. Eric-in his first competition, with seven months of growth flowing from his face-won by a whisker.

Best in Show

To close out the evening, all seven victors returned to the stage for Best in Show. They were...

Chops: David Dehoog, sophomore business major Moustache: Galen Pazar, dapper IT specialist Partial Beard: Bill Wyatt, special needs teacher at Bartlett High Baby Beard: Kyle Roll, tattoo artist Fake Beard: Sena Dooley, local 8-year-old Freestyle Beard: Devin Johnson, junior environment and society major Grizzly Beard: Eric Wyatt, gas station attendant/beard balm entrepreneur

The packed house took out their cell phones and texted in their votes. And the winner was...

Devin Johnson, who left empty-handed his freshman year after competing in the always-crowded Baby Beard category (even though he did a backflip on stage). This year was a different story.

Devin-who cited Johnny Depp as his beard inspiration-explained his process. "I really wanted to do something different this year and freestyle, I thought, was perfect. So I did a little switch-up."

What was it like to train for this event? "Honestly, it took me a long time to practice the flip without looking," he noted, ably twisting the edge of his moustache without breaking eye contact.

Sporting the championship sash, surrounded by the envy and support of his bearded peers, he spoke of what's next. "I don't know. Celebrate? Maybe shave it off? There are so many thoughts running through my head," he laughed.

Well done, sir.